2. where she was taking me when I was a little child

4 Publications plan. This is the 2nd.

I don't know if there's anything bad left in this world that I haven't seen yet. 

Discotheque

Since I was 7, or maybe 6 years old my mother was taking me to her parties. As I mentioned before - she loved that so when father moved out and grandfather died, she had no idea what to do with me so I was supposed to go with her.

At first sight I thought it's a normal disco party. I was wrong. Usually in the first 2-3 hours everyone was sober and just dancing but then they started to take drugs, drink more or also having sex everywhere. Sick? First time I saw people having sex when I was 7 and it wasn't in a porn video. It's disgusting. As I was a talkative child I've found one sober person (deejay - one dayI will write about our friendship) and started a friendship with him. This guy was at my mother's age so he treated me like his little daughter. He didn't have to ask about my mother.. he knew her very well. Everyone knew her very well. Since I met him I spent every party next to his console and it was cool. The only one bad thing is that his console was in the opposite of parquet so I had to watch it all.

It wasn't that nice for a little child to look at her mother acting like a cheap wh*re, touching with everyone, kissing with everyone, drinking tons of alcohol, taking tons of cocaine and God knows what more. All I wanted at this time was to go home and hide under the sheets that anyone could see that I'm a daughter of that beast.

Of course it wasn't like partying and then coming back home and rest. Everytime we came back she was bitchin' at me that I'm a trash, that her life would be better without me, that if she had a choose she wouldn't give a birth to me... then usually she took something heavy and started to bullying me. If you would like me to count all the nights I've cried it wouldn't be that hard to do... just count all days since the day I was born to the day I moved out from her flat. Sometimes I've tried to defend myself but then she was getting more angry and aggresive. I can still remember that she was hitting me so hard and screaming bullsh*t like "die you little b*tch", "I hate you", "go to hell", "who's gonna help you now, you cow?". It isn't easy to think about it even now, especially that I'm crying like a little child at this moment.

No, I don't want to write about it anymore, it makes me feel so bad, I'm sorry. Maybe one day I will come back to this post and finish it.
 (...) to be continued...