2. where she was taking me when I was a little child

4 Publications plan. This is the 2nd.

I don't know if there's anything bad left in this world that I haven't seen yet. 

Discotheque

Since I was 7, or maybe 6 years old my mother was taking me to her parties. As I mentioned before - she loved that so when father moved out and grandfather died, she had no idea what to do with me so I was supposed to go with her.

At first sight I thought it's a normal disco party. I was wrong. Usually in the first 2-3 hours everyone was sober and just dancing but then they started to take drugs, drink more or also having sex everywhere. Sick? First time I saw people having sex when I was 7 and it wasn't in a porn video. It's disgusting. As I was a talkative child I've found one sober person (deejay - one dayI will write about our friendship) and started a friendship with him. This guy was at my mother's age so he treated me like his little daughter. He didn't have to ask about my mother.. he knew her very well. Everyone knew her very well. Since I met him I spent every party next to his console and it was cool. The only one bad thing is that his console was in the opposite of parquet so I had to watch it all.

It wasn't that nice for a little child to look at her mother acting like a cheap wh*re, touching with everyone, kissing with everyone, drinking tons of alcohol, taking tons of cocaine and God knows what more. All I wanted at this time was to go home and hide under the sheets that anyone could see that I'm a daughter of that beast.

Of course it wasn't like partying and then coming back home and rest. Everytime we came back she was bitchin' at me that I'm a trash, that her life would be better without me, that if she had a choose she wouldn't give a birth to me... then usually she took something heavy and started to bullying me. If you would like me to count all the nights I've cried it wouldn't be that hard to do... just count all days since the day I was born to the day I moved out from her flat. Sometimes I've tried to defend myself but then she was getting more angry and aggresive. I can still remember that she was hitting me so hard and screaming bullsh*t like "die you little b*tch", "I hate you", "go to hell", "who's gonna help you now, you cow?". It isn't easy to think about it even now, especially that I'm crying like a little child at this moment.

No, I don't want to write about it anymore, it makes me feel so bad, I'm sorry. Maybe one day I will come back to this post and finish it.
 (...) to be continued...

1. mother's behaviour

4 Publications plan. This is the 1st.

As I said before - my mother is the most evil thing I've seen in my life. I'm sure that you've heard about World War II and the III Reich Fuhrer - Adolf Hitler (she was born April 20th too). She must be his sister or reincarnation, believe me.

First of all - if you don't agree with her, you're piece of sh*t (in her opinion of course).
Second of all - if you won't do something like she wants to, you're piece of sh*t.
Third of all - if you will defend someone she's abusing, you're piece of sh*t..

Now, imagine that she treats foreigners like that. So... how she used to treat me and my father?

Father.

They loved partying, so many times I just stayed at home with my granma.
Everytime when dad came back from those parties he was totally wasted and depressed, why?
When they were in the pub or club, drinking beer, when dad went to a toilet for example, mother was mixing his beer with vodka. As he was getting drunk, she was mixing more and more. When dad fell asleep "under the table" she started to cheat on him. Clever b*tch, huh? She always had insane friends, so instead of helping him they were laughing and making jokes. Everytime they came home she was starting to fight with him.
As a child I couldn't understand what's going on but when I grew up I read about Borderline personality disorder. That's 100% about my mother.
Now, imagine that if he didn't agree or apologize her she was closing him in a basement (wtf?).
My dad used to be a kick-boxer and I know that martial arts makes you undersand many situations and being calm when somethings going wrong. So he just accepted her behaviour and didn't want to fight. My dad haven't punched any lady - ever.

She always cheated on dad. And now she's cheating on her current partner.

Oh, remember my post about watching a video by her and her friends? That's the best example that she had bad companionship.

Me.

She wanted to hurt me even before I was born. As a pregnant woman she climbed the roof and was balancing on the edge saying that she will jump. Thanks God she only wanted an attention... But what if she would lost her equipoise?
I will not describe all the things that she has done to me, because I want to do it later but I just wanted to tell you that during my childhood I was abusing, beaten, treated like I was nothing, a trash... Still I have some scars that she made on my body by punching me with different things like a cable, keys, a tube and many other stuff. But the worst thing is my mental condition now.

OK, as I said before I'm ill so I have no strengh to write more but soon I will make it up.

I am sorry, see you later.