2. where she was taking me when I was a little child

4 Publications plan. This is the 2nd.

I don't know if there's anything bad left in this world that I haven't seen yet. 

Discotheque

Since I was 7, or maybe 6 years old my mother was taking me to her parties. As I mentioned before - she loved that so when father moved out and grandfather died, she had no idea what to do with me so I was supposed to go with her.

At first sight I thought it's a normal disco party. I was wrong. Usually in the first 2-3 hours everyone was sober and just dancing but then they started to take drugs, drink more or also having sex everywhere. Sick? First time I saw people having sex when I was 7 and it wasn't in a porn video. It's disgusting. As I was a talkative child I've found one sober person (deejay - one dayI will write about our friendship) and started a friendship with him. This guy was at my mother's age so he treated me like his little daughter. He didn't have to ask about my mother.. he knew her very well. Everyone knew her very well. Since I met him I spent every party next to his console and it was cool. The only one bad thing is that his console was in the opposite of parquet so I had to watch it all.

It wasn't that nice for a little child to look at her mother acting like a cheap wh*re, touching with everyone, kissing with everyone, drinking tons of alcohol, taking tons of cocaine and God knows what more. All I wanted at this time was to go home and hide under the sheets that anyone could see that I'm a daughter of that beast.

Of course it wasn't like partying and then coming back home and rest. Everytime we came back she was bitchin' at me that I'm a trash, that her life would be better without me, that if she had a choose she wouldn't give a birth to me... then usually she took something heavy and started to bullying me. If you would like me to count all the nights I've cried it wouldn't be that hard to do... just count all days since the day I was born to the day I moved out from her flat. Sometimes I've tried to defend myself but then she was getting more angry and aggresive. I can still remember that she was hitting me so hard and screaming bullsh*t like "die you little b*tch", "I hate you", "go to hell", "who's gonna help you now, you cow?". It isn't easy to think about it even now, especially that I'm crying like a little child at this moment.

No, I don't want to write about it anymore, it makes me feel so bad, I'm sorry. Maybe one day I will come back to this post and finish it.
 (...) to be continued...

1. mother's behaviour

4 Publications plan. This is the 1st.

As I said before - my mother is the most evil thing I've seen in my life. I'm sure that you've heard about World War II and the III Reich Fuhrer - Adolf Hitler (she was born April 20th too). She must be his sister or reincarnation, believe me.

First of all - if you don't agree with her, you're piece of sh*t (in her opinion of course).
Second of all - if you won't do something like she wants to, you're piece of sh*t.
Third of all - if you will defend someone she's abusing, you're piece of sh*t..

Now, imagine that she treats foreigners like that. So... how she used to treat me and my father?

Father.

They loved partying, so many times I just stayed at home with my granma.
Everytime when dad came back from those parties he was totally wasted and depressed, why?
When they were in the pub or club, drinking beer, when dad went to a toilet for example, mother was mixing his beer with vodka. As he was getting drunk, she was mixing more and more. When dad fell asleep "under the table" she started to cheat on him. Clever b*tch, huh? She always had insane friends, so instead of helping him they were laughing and making jokes. Everytime they came home she was starting to fight with him.
As a child I couldn't understand what's going on but when I grew up I read about Borderline personality disorder. That's 100% about my mother.
Now, imagine that if he didn't agree or apologize her she was closing him in a basement (wtf?).
My dad used to be a kick-boxer and I know that martial arts makes you undersand many situations and being calm when somethings going wrong. So he just accepted her behaviour and didn't want to fight. My dad haven't punched any lady - ever.

She always cheated on dad. And now she's cheating on her current partner.

Oh, remember my post about watching a video by her and her friends? That's the best example that she had bad companionship.

Me.

She wanted to hurt me even before I was born. As a pregnant woman she climbed the roof and was balancing on the edge saying that she will jump. Thanks God she only wanted an attention... But what if she would lost her equipoise?
I will not describe all the things that she has done to me, because I want to do it later but I just wanted to tell you that during my childhood I was abusing, beaten, treated like I was nothing, a trash... Still I have some scars that she made on my body by punching me with different things like a cable, keys, a tube and many other stuff. But the worst thing is my mental condition now.

OK, as I said before I'm ill so I have no strengh to write more but soon I will make it up.

I am sorry, see you later.

Friend's father. According to watching the video and some other situations.

I've mentioned that bastard in my previous post. There's no good thing I could say about him.

Year 1998/99
First time I can remember that I met him when mother has invited some friends to the party in our flat. It was the same evening they were watching the video of me "rescuing dad" recorded the day before.
So it's how more or less it looked like:

When they were watching TV he sat next to me. He was whispering something in my ear and then put his hand on my thigh. Of course I knew it was bad so I suddenly got up and started to yelling at him. He just smiled with his pedophile smile and did nothing about it... so did my mom. Why the hell she didn't care that someone is touching her little daughter? Why the hell his wife didn't care?! I just escaped to my room and closed the door. I can't remember what happened next so probably I just fell asleep and that's all.
I only hope that he didn't do anything disgusting to his son (who is still one of my best friends), effin' pig.

It wasn't easy to avoid this bastard because they lived next to my door. But I've made it somehow for a couple of years. But happiness can't last forever.

6 years later
The other summer day his son visited me because we wanted to play some Counter Strike. We were playing a game, mother was sitting in her room, everything was cool. Then his father appeared. I must say that I'm a believer, so I forgave him what he has done and gave him another chance, thought that after a few years he seemed to change. So he just asked how it's going, we said it's ok. Although he looked different, unfortunately his behaviour didn't change. So when my friend went to the toilet he moved his head to mine and started licking my ear. I was like "what the hell is going on dude?!" and punched his face (as I said before, I was into martial arts, so I knew how I could defend myself). And he escaped from my flat.

15 years later
Apart from this insane issue, let's talk about his 2013/14 life.

In 2013 his wife discovered that he was cheating on her since a few years. She kicked him out from their flat, lost her weight (which was pretty high at that time) and found a new guy, then got pregnant with him.
You think that problem was solved? No way.
That insane guy started to stalk his ex wife and their son. Everynight he was throwing stones to their windows, he was knocking to the door all night long, he was following them everyday. He stopped to wash, stopped to change clothes and started to drink a lot.
Why am I talking in the past tense? Just because when he realized that everything is over and all he has is his money (yeah, he was rich). The nail in his coffin was that pregnancy. So in the beggining of 2014 he commited a suicide by hanging himself.
Think someone cried? No. Someone came to his funeral? No. That's all he deserved.

There's a lot bad things I could say about him but I don't like to waste my time on talking about trash.

By the way, this little baby was born a month ago and it's really cute!

My immediate family tree and short desciptions.

OK, so here we go. It's complicated, isn't it?

From the left:

Grandfather - loves vodka and being lazy. Used to work as a welder. Dad says that he was very violent when his sons were young and used to beat them (but not his wife, only children). He's working as a security man now and goes to work drunk everyday.

Grandmother - the only one person who I really love and respect. She teached me how to live my life but she doesn't know how my childhood has looked like. I couldn't tell her, because I don't want to worry her. Since 3 weeks she's lying in the hospital and having a chemotherapy, that's the reason I'm totally broken.

3 brothers - actually only one of them lives with me now, so I won't describe the others. He loves vodka just like his father. He drinks everyday since almost 30 years - a few months ago he was diagnosed with a cancer. I know he loves me but when he's drunk he becomes aggressive. No wife, no children.

Father - the one who has let me down me the most. In the 90's he used to be a kickboxer, he was fighting with the most popular sportsmen and was really good. In 1993 he took first place in kickboxing championship. His success motivated me to start martial arts and I was as good as my dad. Won a lot of prizes and 1st places. Til approx. 2008 he was the calmest person I've ever met, then something changed... guess what? Of course! He has had started to drink a vodka. When he started drinking, I gave up martial arts.

People which I've mentioned above (except 2 brothers of my father) are my roommates since 2008.
People below were my roommates til 2008.

RIP Grandfather - he died in 2000 but I can remember something about him. Don't worry, it's nothing nice. I only can remember that he was drunk almost everyday but not aggressive. He woke up, went drinking and came back sleep, so I didn't talk much with him. He always had his camera so I have a lot of pics and videos when I was like 0-7 years old.

RIP Grandmother - I don't know nothing about her, she died before I was born.

Mother - oh my God... if you think you met someone evil in your life, you're wrong. This is the worst person on this planet. She beat me, tried to kill me, abused me, she could destroy my all CD's which I was collecting, my clothes and everything I used to owe. That's the reason I escaped from her flat to my grandmother's home. Anything I do, she screams and becomes aggressive. When I was young she blamed me that I was born, so that's why she treated me like a piece of s**t (that's what she told me). Anyway, I'll write about it later. Ahhh, I forgot - of course she loves drinking and partying.

Partner - when my parents divorced, a couple of years later she got pregnant with this guy. He comes from a village and works as a security man. To be honest - I don't like him. Not because I'm jealous or something but just because I'm full of empathy and even when my mother comes straight from hell I can't stand when he's bullying her and their child.

Brother - a child of my mother and her partner. He is mentally ill (ADHD, Asperger Syndrome) but I love him. Actually he acts like a normal child, which sometimes becomes a little devil.

So you already know that I'm an ACOA. Now imagine that I live with 3 guys and every guy drinks everyday. I must clean up house, cook and pay bills. And I'm 20 years old...

It's not all, I used to live mostly with a boyfriend for almost 2 years (10.2012-08.2014, with some short breaks) but I'll write about it later.